yeh kia!

yeh kia hogya hai mujhey:( kabhi aisa to na tha! yeh mai kia ker reha hun? khud ko negate? apnay hi banaye principles ko oppose? khud say larayi hai ya zamanay say ya apne mazhab kay?

yaad hia na mai in sub kuch thiek nahi samajhta! hum to Muslims hai na, musafir khana hai yeh dunya , phir bhi in mai behlnay ko dil kerta hai ? phir bhi woh sub kernay ko man kerta hai jo sub kertay hain? jabkey yaad hai na tumhai Muslim is always an ODD, it has to be like that and it is...yaad hai why u kept beard? coz Prophet did so, and he did so to differentiate oneself from others...from the people around us, to ab mujhey kia horeha hai ? nahi yaar there is no GAP YEAR in life i know thats what u are thinking at the moment..k haan aik waqt aaye ga jab sub chordounga..back to old tauqeer laiken woh shaed abhi dur hai, shaed im too lonely over here thats why i need ppl around me, laiken it was my decision to live here na, cant complain Allah for that and its not an excuse, may Allah turn my measureable sins into His unmeasurable mercy and help me turn back or better...whatever is good for me :(

I do LIKE some of the PEOPLE around me but the way is wrong na and i know that, and this music stuff, once i said i'll leave everything, i even did up to some extent, cinema jana bilkul chor dia tha but then that 5.1 speaker system in my room and loud music? mai pagal houn bilkul then that wave of internet downloads.... kaise yeh sub justify kerunga:( jabsay pakistan say aaya hun abhi tek usual routine per nahi jasaka balkay sub kuch bher hi reha hai ..msn contacts, chatrooms..fone calls!

yes i do need to do something about it and that would be soon inshAllah. I know my religion and my beliefs are not that weak k sirf meray actions say unki sanctuary per koi shak kia jasakey..its probably just me. Hope things get better soon and thats what we all have to try :)

Toba aur Gunah....

Raja Gidh-1

Yaar yeh bhi kia story hai? Roz perhnay bhi beth jata hun aur buht jald thak bhi jata hun, aaj socha tha k kal uni nahi hia siliye aram say perhunga laike abhi 30 pages hi perhay hai phirse and buss aik dum mind blank:| kuch samajh nahi aareha

Ab khudhi socho, mai 131 pages perh chuka hun aur mujhey sahi say characters k naam bhi yaad nahi? shaed k woh itnay important hain bhi nahi shaed...

Writer kehna kia chahti hai? Chalo first person ko Mr X kehletay hain, student hain janab, sociology kay, class fellow thein Seemi Shah and Aftab but, yeh aftab Mr X k room mate bhi rehchukey hain, ager sada lafzoun mai lia jaye to wohi old kahan hai, aftab ko seemi say payar hojata hai, aftab k gher waley nahi mantay, woh studies chor ker shadi kerleta hai apni cousin say and interesting yeh k Mr X ko seemi say muhabbat hai laiken woh kabhi keh nahi saka.

Ab uski koshish hai k seemi k paas hojaye woh kisi na kisi terah, seemi ko bhi saharay ki zarorat hai laiken woh aftab k payar mai itni pagal hai k usko aur kuch dekhayi hi nahi deta aur yehi cheez usko X k kareeb lay aayi go k woh janti thi k yeh Aftab ka room mate reha hai.

Ab chakr yeh hai k Mr X jo k shuru mai buht hero bantay thaye yani k class mai ethics or social responsibilities ki batien kertay thaye, yahan aaker sub kaam kharab. Woh janta hai k woh jo ker reha hai woh ghalt hai, woh us larki ki emotional codition ka faida utha reha hai , laiken at the end of day batanay ki koshish yehi ki gyi hai shaed k muhabbat mai buht taaqat hoti hai aur usko panay k liye insan kisi kaidey kanoon ka paband nahi hota. Ab jahan aaker mai bore huwa hun woh yehi hai k woh har time uske khayaloun mai khoya rehta hai, usne usko physicaly to pa lia hai laiken woh janta hai k woh seemi usko kabhi muhabbat nahi kersakti , woh aik aisi larki hai jo zidagi mai sirf aik dafa payar kerti hai and shaed k jo apnay gham ko chupanay k liye apne aap ko zaleel or ruswa kerna chahti hai, isliye raat bher iske saath bagh-e-jinah mai guzarti hai...jo bhi hai

X is just so stupid, aisa thori na hota hai, ager usko seemi ko pana hi tha, window of oppurtunity ka to har kisi ko intezar hota hai, to proper way say pata....laiken baat wahien aajati hai k proper kia hai aur kia nahi ? alag behs hai yeh sub to, baat thi muhabbat ki so abhi yeh gardish chal rehi hai, dono apni zindagi ko aagay bherhana chah rehay hain, jobs k liye shaed apply kerdia hai, laiken seemi ki har baat Aftab per aaker rukti hai and baqool uske haan naam yaad aagya: Mr Qayumm!, k ab uske under ka qayum mar chuka hai, isliye woh jab seemi k saath hota hai to apnay aapko aftab khyal kerta hai, coz shaed seemi bhi yehi chahti hai aur is terah qayum ki khawahish bhi poori hoti hai .

Insan kitna behiss hota hai, kitna selfish, apni ana ko apni haqeqat ko apni khawahishoun k tabay kernay ki koshish mai juta rehta hai, aur yeh hota hai maine dekha hai. log badal jatay hain, ya to apnay ird gird logoun ko khush kernay ki khatir ya phir koi waqti faida hasil kernay ki khaatirm khair probably just a story:) aik aur buht interesting baat jo Aftab nay kahi thi woh yeh thi k insan k paas zindagi mai buht say rastay hotey hain;

yeh uski marzi hai k woh konsa bhi rasta chunay, rasta apni marzi ka ho ya na ho, usme khushion aur ghamoun ka tarazo hameesha braber rehta hai ( shaed woh yahan KISMET ko refer ker reha tha ), aur seemi ko chorney ki reason bhi yehi thi k aaj yeh samajhta tha k aajki uski khushi kisi aur k gham ka baa'es ban rehi hai ( uski maa ), aur shaed ko unko bhi gham miliengye jo us khushi ko khatam kerdiengye isliye koi extra justujo kernay ki zarorat hi nahi, jo jaisa hota hai hono do..interesting:P

aur yeh bi baat thi k insaan jo bhi faislay kerta hai woh uski personality per dependent hotey hain, aik aise kirdaar per jo k aik khaas mahool mai pala bara hota hai aur uski soch aur uske faisle us mahool ka nateeja hotey hain, isliye unko koi badal nahi sakta...laiken uski batien kafi ambigious thien k jaise faisley life mai koi ehmiyat hi na rekhtay houn?

chalo kher aagay dekhtay hain kia hota , laiken frankly speaking qayumm ka seemi say obsession ab interesting hargiz bhi nahi reha, hope k aagay kuch aur bhi perhnay ko milay ga :)