15 park avenue...

abhi kuch der pehlay maine aik movie dekhi, u dont get to see this kinda stuff everyday. Such a strange phenomenon writer wanted to potray, aik larki ki kahani thi, the so called illusionist, pata nahi kuch specific name tha uski bimari ka jo woh lay rehay thaye, but well it was quite touching.

kabhi kabhi muhjey lagta hai k mujhey buht kuch kerna hai buht kuch kehna hai buht si aise batien hain jo mai soch ker bhool gya hun ya keh nahi paya ya pata sirf is waja say k shaed log kia kahiengye, jaise k mai pehlay aik post mai kehchuka hun k mai school mai yeh socha kerta tha shaed koi khuda ho hi na, shaed yeh kisi genius banday nay hi idea develop kia ho, so sub log kisi aise cheez say darien jo unhoun nay kabhi dekhi hi na ho so woh kabhi koi bura kaam na kerien but well who was i suppose to tell all this? discuss these ideas that time? sometimes i really miss my dad, kaash k woh abhi meray paas hotey and u would have discussed so many things, and well phone per to am not a good conversationalist at all and na hi meray aba ji ziada baat kertay hain and jab hum gher per hotey thay to so many other pressures, behnay kia sochiengi ager maine koi ulti baat ki, dad ka mind bhi kabhi free nahi hota k woh koi aur baat sun sakien khair its a long story, aaj jo baat mujhey kerni hai woh is movie k barey mai hai and meri ik aur soch k barey mai jo k shaed maine apni bari sis say bhi aik dafa ki thi, u seems to take bit of interest in what i had to say or think laiken i never got encouraging support in this matter tho,

Anyway, i used to think, think kehlo ya mera idea tha, it was early school days, we used to have wall charts in our classrooms, full of colours and shapes and all dat. So buss aik din maine yehi socha k yeh jo red apple mai dekh reha hun, kia yeh apple hi hai ya kuch aur shape hai ? kia iska colour red hai ya kuch aur hai ? mai isko red kehta hun just coz mujhey bataya gaya hai k yeh red hai ? kia jaisa mujhey yeh dikhta hai ,,dosroun k liye bhi aisa hi hai ? meri teacher ko bhi red hi nazar aata hoga? ya uske demagh mai red colour kuch aur jaisa hoga? ya phir woh shaed us colour ko kuch aur hi kehti ho laiken meray kaan usko hameesha red suntay houn?? wiered haina? i know it is, thats why never spoke about it.

And its interesting that other people think something on similar lines as well, jaisa k is movie mai woh larki thi, jisko in common terms log bimar kehsaktey hain coz woh khud say batien kerti thi, usko aik aise gher ki talash thi jiska address hi exist nahi kerta tha, pehlay to doctor nay aik logical reasoning paish ki, k jo kuch woh kerti hai kehti hai uska reason uski past life hai , aik jaga per usne us larki ki bari sis say yeh sawal kia: Kay woh dekho table, aur batao usper kia para hai ? Usne kaha flower vass hai and kuch phool hain usme, to dr kehnay laga what if i say k woh vass nahi table lamp hai, to kehti hai k i wont believe it, to usne keha k what if everybody in this room says its a lamp instead of you, ....

Anyway i dont wana conclude anything over here, it is something we dont wana talk about, and even if we do, we aint gona go far with it, i just know that. Hua kia end per ? woh usi jaga gyi jahan woh samajhti thi k uska gher hai , logoun ki nazroun say kuch dur gyi, usko woh gher nazar aaya, uske bachay nazar aaye and woh wahan chali gyi, jab baqi sub ko khyal aaya k shez missing to usey dhondhnay lagay, laiken ofcourse woh gher unki hisaab say kabhi exist hi nahi kerta tha so they never found her.

To matlab kia hua iska? jo hamie nazar aata hai woh hosakta hai kisi aur ko na aata ho? aur jo kisi ko nazar aata hai hosakta hai woh hamie na aata ho? yeh bhi kehsaktay hain k har kisi ka apna perspective hota hai zindagi mai har cheez ko define kernay ka, khair im getting into deeps now, better leave it for someother time:)

bongi

abhi khanay khatey huwey soch reha tha k mai pehlay msn per kitnay nicks change kia kerta tha and most of the time khudi say nick rekha kerta tha but ab aisa nahi hai , well things change i know.
Abhi sochtay sochtay kuch aisa socha;

Forgive me,Forget me do what ever u want,
All i want is to make u happy!

pata nahi kia hia yeh, kis k liye hai , kahan fit hota hai, sahi say kuch hai bhi k nai but just dil mai aay so likhdia:)

Finally i went

well it was friday, maine txt kia 'baji' ko, just to find out how shez doin. Mujhey andaza tha hi k she wont be working coz jin dino yeh tragedy hui, woh training per thien and certainly woh un dino to job per nahi jasakien houngi and well if u miss training days u know... anyway she'll be back to work in couple of weeks hopefuly.

haan to maine txt kia, unka fone aagya, just haal chaal pocha, job ka pocha kehti hian mai gher per hi hoti hun aaj kal no problem, so mai kaha mai aaj aanay ki koshish kerunga. Laiken hua kuch youn k phir saturday ko london janay ka program ban reha tha, mera dost hai na wahan, my best friend woh bhi pakistan ja reha hai next week so socha k ho hi aaon, kia pata next yr kon kahan hota hai :) khair so friday ko samnay say dost aagya, socha k aaj ka day full utilize kerna chahiyeh study k liye so kuch din relax kerna hai.

So usi k saath kafi time hogya, mai usko kaha bhi nahi k mujhey jana hai kahien, phir about 9 bajey maine txt kerdia k mai shaed nahi aasakoun coz its quite late now, unka txt aaya k i was hoping k aaj mai aaonga, so finally mai socha k jana to hai hi, so chalo ji, about 9:30 wahan puhncha laiken i wasnt quite ready for it:S darwaza khula, mai pocha kia haal hai, kehti hain , what do you think how should i be? ops, mera to kaam wahien hogya, anyway phir ander bethay, unki ami aayien salam dua li, ab mai unse kia baat kerta:S kabhi aisi situations per gaya hi nahi mai alone, mai to hameesha kuch na bolnay waloun mai say hota hun, i remember k jab mera phupa ki death hui thi, couple of years back, to mai apnay cousin say kuch bhi nahi keh saka tha buss gaya tha wahan and chup khara reha tha although k woh mera buht acha dost hai.

Anyway bus yehi kaha k aunty buht dukh hua sun ker, khair buss kafi dair betha wahan, buss yehi batien hoti rehien k kia hua kaise huwa, well meray paas sachi mai ziada kuch kehnay ko tha nahi , zahir hai ab aap kisi ka loss to feel nahi kersaktay na and everyone is mature enough to understand k wat do and wat not to , so khair pata nahi i know im confused on this matter but i hope i did well i mean did what i had to :) khair it was a short stay, but the difficult one, may Allah give them relieve and unki sub mushkiloun ko asaan keray, (Aameen)